


What goes around comes around

by yamaneko19xx



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Christmas Presents, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV First Person, Racist Language, Smut, Swearing, Too much fluff, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, let me die with my feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5533772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamaneko19xx/pseuds/yamaneko19xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam thinks nothing happens out of coincidence, but that things happen for a reason. Whether they happen because of a cause-consequence chain reaction, or just because they had to happen... It doesn't matter.</p><p>An unexpected childhood friend, the love of his life and an unexpected new love: He remembers three times when he had a nice Christmas.</p><p>Narrated from Ocelot's point of view. (post GZ, pre TPP)</p>
            </blockquote>





	What goes around comes around

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on the phone while travelling to my family's house for Christmas. No beta tested so expect to find a couple of errors (horrors) and grammar mistakes.  
> I'm not so sure about the time references, though I did some digging on the metalgear wiki in order to stick to the real MGS timeline.  
> This story is part of a longer one (with many chapters) that I'm currently writing/drafting and I hope to finish soon.
> 
> Merry Christmas!

 

When I was 12 years old, something strange happened. I always say that nothing happens out of coincidence, but that things happen for a reason. Whether they happen because of a cause-consequence chain reaction, or just because they had to happen... It doesn't matter now. I don’t know why I had this memory blocked, maybe my mind was already so fucked up due to me playing with my self hypnosis that there are many memories buried inside my mind, some of them, maybe, are lost forever.

 

**December, 1956 - Tokyo, Japan**

I remember getting off the plane, tired but I had to go on and keep up with the pace of the US military group I was assigned to. It was not easy to keep up, me being 12 years old while the rest of my squad were already grown up adults.

I never met my parents, I was only told that they died on the battlefield. Consequently, I was adopted and raised by a group called the Philosophers. I never really questioned my identity as my mentors gave me everything I needed. But deep inside me, I was still unsure of what I wanted to do in life. For me, it was kill or die, fight or run, follow orders, no personal objectives, just surviving.

This time I was excited about travelling to Japan. I wondered what kind of people would I meet there and what could I learn from this experience.

The first day it had been nothing but meetings. The jetlag was striking me and I wanted to remain awake. Looking for something to entertain me, I sneaked out of one of the countless meetings my superiors made me attend to and walked around the streets of Tokyo.

I was wearing the U.S Army military uniform which, in contrast to the local Japanese residents, stood out, especially in a kid but that’s what happened when kids were just too good to be wasted on toy guns when they could perfectly handle a real gun and follow orders like a grown up soldier.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had been given the chance of living a regular life, with a mother and a father, worrying over silly things like schoolwork or what to ask Santa Claus for Christmas… But on the other hand, I couldn’t picture my life being different from what I had at the moment.

I made my way through the streets feeling I was being watched by many curious eyes.

Not so far from the US camp I found a tiny shop between two traditional japanese houses. It caught my attention because it was the only shop on the area which had signs in english. Its walls were made of wood, which gave the place a cozy feeling. There were shelves with many imported goods which blended themselves with the traditional japanese ones. I made my way to the counter of the shop slowly while inspecting both the familiar and unknown items.

A blond haired kid of about my age sat at the counter, writing numbers. I assumed he was working on his maths homework.

Suddenly the kid noticed me and his face went red in embarrassment. Was he Japanese? I thought.

“ _I-irasshaimase_! Welcome!”

I leaned on the counter and looked at the items in front of me. Behind the counter, the most wanted and expensive items were displayed, so the only way to get them was by asking the shopkeeper.

“You speak English?” I asked looking at the blonde.

“Yes, sir. How can I help you?” He put his notebook away and focused his attention on me.

“I want a box of cigarettes.” I said confidently with a cocky smile. At that time I had the stupid idea that if people saw me smoking they wouldn’t see me as a child and they’d respect me.

The blond kid looked at me, studying my face as if he was still looking at his maths notebook. He finally said “Sorry, I can’t sell cigarettes to kids.”

I felt my anger starting to escalate, how could this kid knew that I was lying?

“Well if you hadn’t notice it by my uniform, I’m a soldier. They are not for me anyway, they are for my superiors.” I tried again.

“Look kid, I’m used to these kind of tricks. Sorry but if I sell you a box I won’t have enough for the real soldiers who come here everyday.” The japanese kid changed his tone of voice and sounded like a grownup adult. He probably was fed up with scammers so he was used to repeating this same thing.

“Did you just call me a liar? I’m a true soldier and I want you to sell me a box.” I was losing my patience and grabbed my gun, resting my hand on the counter and the gun pointing at the japanese kid.

“I live thanks to the money the soldiers leave here when they buy things so I won’t risk my business for some brat who wants to show off. _Bakayarou_!”  
He countered, grabbing a small knife that looked like a short katana. It was the first time I saw a weapon like that.

“What did you called me, asshole?” I kept my hold on the gun and pointed at the other kid’s face. Since when did japanese kids had blonde hair and blue eyes anyway?

“I called you a brat, aren’t you American? Don’t you understand?” The blond kid’s eyes were glimmering, just like the blade of his sword.

“Now I get it, you are not Japanese, you are fake. What the hell is a kid doing in here anyway? Like how old are you? 15?”

 

“I’m 10.”

 

Impressive. This kid was already running a shop and dealing with military soldiers, selling cigarettes and with an attitude worthy of a soldier. And he was only 10 years old. 10 Fucking years. I felt a mixture of envy and admiration.

“You shouldn’t be here running a shop. Go back to your mommy!.” I barked and left the shop.

 

\---

 

The next day while I was walking with my military group along the streets, I saw several civilians running away to their homes, scared. Others were just paralysed on their spots, too scared to run away. And then there were the prostitutes and salesmen who seized the chance of earning some money off the soldiers.

My eyes met a pair of blue eyes, it was the kid from the shop. He went soldier by soldier showing them a picture. I could see his disappointment every time the grown up men shook their heads.

I walked to him and could hear what he was asking the soldier “I’m looking for this man, do you know him? He’s an american soldier.”

“No kid, sorry.”

He lowered his hand in defeat, that soldier was the last one of the day so he put the picture back in his pocket.

“Why are you looking for that man?”

I asked out of the blue and he rolled his eyes at me, surprised.

“He’s my dad.”

“Oh” I didn’t know what to say. He showed me the picture. I had no idea who the man in the picture was and I felt somewhat disappointed for no reason. “He looks like you.” I managed to answer.

“That’s what everyone says. And that’s exactly the problem. I don’t belong here.” That last sentence was like a whisper. “Thank you anyway, _soldier-chan_.” He waved his hand at me and left.

… Soldier-chan???? What the hell was that??

 

**\----**

I returned to the shop everyday and bought different things. As I was the youngest, I had no choice but to play the delivery boy. But going to the shop didn’t bother me at all, on the contrary, I had fun with the japanese kid.

We exchanged short but interesting conversations.

One particular day I went to the shop only to find it closed. I couldn’t hide my disappointment so I headed back all the way looking at the floor trying to find rocks to kick.

I heard the sound of the river and when I looked up, I saw the blond boy sitting on the grass, angrily throwing rocks into the river. His left cheek was swollen and there was a purple color around his left eye.

I crouched down next to him, genuinely worried.  
“What happened?”

“ _Ijimerareta_.” He replied bitterly with fire in his blue eyes.

“What?”

“ _Ijime_ … It means they hit me just because I don’t look like them.”

“Because you don’t look Japanese? Your blond hair and blue eyes… it’s true that they stand out. But does it matter? I mean, does it matter what you look like? ” I sat next to him and touched the grass, looking for stones to throw too.

“This is because of my dad’s genes. Once I find where he is, I’ll leave this country and take my mom with me. I’ll find him, I know it.”

“Japan is a nice country.”

“I don’t belong here. My own country is rejecting me every time the other kids at school hit me.” he threw a stone at the river.

“Why don’t you hit them back?” I threw another stone.

“I will get expelled if I do that. I can't afford that, it will kill my mom.” He looked at his dirty hands and closed his fingers into fists.

“So, they hit you just for the color of your hair? - I took off my green beret -See? My hair is blond too. Lighter than yours but we are alike.”

The japanese boy smiled.

“Thank you. I wish everyone would think like you. I have to go back to work.”

I waved him goodbye and I sat there throwing stones at the river, still not believing that they can hit you just because you look different. I felt like going to where those boys were and teach them a lesson, but then I remembered that it was not my problem and I'd also get punished if I did something like that.

 

**\----**

Today was awfully boring for me. I was being trained on a new code breaking method, actually it was ‘new’ for them as I had already figured it out some time before this stupid training took place.

I was leaning on a wall near the shop practicing some tricks with my revolver. I wanted to be like the famous cowboys from the american movies, but my hands were still small. I couldn’t get a firm grip of the gun and it fell to the ground. I swore and kicked it thinking that I couldn’t wait to become stronger and bigger soon.

It was getting darker and the first star could be seen on the reddish sky. Turning on my heels to head back, a sound catched my attention. Someone was running high speed towards me, while 4 or 5 shadows followed him. I caught a glimpse of his blond hair, sneaking under a box.

I stood there dumbfounded asking myself why the hell would someone hide inside a box. The 5 japanese boys who were chasing him stopped. One of them, their leader I assumed, was barking orders at the rest in quick japanese.

He had an american beret like me, probably some soldier gave it to him as a gift. Or he could have just stolen it, which would have been a more accurate answer, giving the shitty attitude he had.

“ _Anta wa dare_?” The taller of the boys pointed his hand at me. He asked me something that I did not understand. “Oh, you American”

I nodded and I put my hands on my pockets, walking to the box where my friend was and I leaned over it.

“A boy with yellow hair, where?” He tried his best to explain himself in English.

“He’s not here”

One if the other boys told him something.

“Move! you!” he ordered me in his basic English. I supposed he wanted me to move away from the box. One of them must have spotted my friend getting inside the box.

“Fuck you.” I smirked at them and gestured the fuck you sign.

That was one of the things I learned that day, to never underestimate the enemy.

The leader shouted so the 5 boys were surrounding me with knives just like the one I saw the blond kid had the 1st time we met.

I took one of my revolvers from my waist, and I freaked out when I realized that I didn’t have my other gun. I never got to pick it up from the ground.

“You, american trash”  
They began to insult me. I considered my options, kill them by shooting them, run…no, I couldn’t run and leave my friend behind… Wait why was I calling him friend?  
No time to think, I pointed at the leader, warning him “don’t come further or I’ll blow your brains off.”

They looked at each other and laughed, mocking me. I took my survival knife on one hand and my revolver on the other.

They had me surrounded and were cornering me. At least they got away from the box. But I was unable to run so it was kill or kill.  
“5 against one? That’s not fair… but I have 6 bullets, one for each of you, so come!”

 

At that moment I saw my friend coming out of the box holding a gun with his two hands. It was my revolver.

“ _Namenjaneezo_ ” he shouted and shot right to the taller of the boy’s beret, making it fall to the ground. They all got scared and ran away.

I kicked the hat with my boot, it had a hole on top of it. His aim had been almost perfect.  
“Too bad your aim failed, you could’ve killed him with one headshot.”

He stood next to me and handed me the gun back “I know. I couldn’t kill him, not now at least. So I had to aim for his hat to scare him away.”

I smiled at him putting the gun back on my belt. “I didn’t ask for your help, though. I had the situation under control.”

“You are American. You can’t just kill japanese, not after the war. They’d have you executed.”

So he did save me after all.

I held my hand to him. “You are right. Thanks”

He smiled at me and shook my hand.

“But you helped me first, didn’t you? You knew I was hidden inside the box and you distracted them for me… That was cool.”

I blushed and shook my head “It, it was nothing.”

He bowed, just like the Japanese do when they want to thank you. “Thank you.”

“Oh one last thing, you are wrong, though. -he looked at me, confused. - I’m not American. I’m Russian. See you.”  
I left, and for the first time in days, I smiled all the way back.

 

**Japan, 25th December 1956**

Today it’s the last time I’ll be seeing the blond kid, and I never asked his name. I looked over all the soldiers trying to spot him. I told him today was my last day and I wanted to say goodbye to him.

While my group was loading the cargo on the plane, I met with him one last time while he was showing the picture of his father to the newcomer soldiers.

“Merry Christmas” I handed him a wooden box.

“Hey, Russian boy! -he looked at the box- Oh no I can’t accept it. It’s too much” his face was red and he was bowing.

“Come on, take this. - I put my hand on his shoulder - become stronger so no one will ever dare to judge you by your looks.”

He raised his head and looked at me, took the box and removed the lid peeping inside.

“Wow, for real?” I was giving him one of my revolvers.

“Yeah, there are bullets there too. Use it wisely.” I laughed and pat him on his shoulder.

“I… I don’t believe in Christmas so I have nothing to give you…ah, _sou da!_ Take this.”  
He removed his red scarf and put it on my neck.

I heard my superiors calling me, we were departing in a few minutes and I felt my heart sank.

“One last thing. I’m Adamska. - my face was hot and red -What’s your name?”

“I’m Kazuhira.” We shaked hands.

“Kazu…” I was having a hard time pronouncing it.

“Adam, my name means Peace”

“Okay Kazu. But my name is Adamska.”

We laughed.

“By the way, what you did the other night with my gun, it was incredible. I’ll become stronger too so next time we meet I’ll show you.” I gestured a gun with hands and pointed at him.

“We have a deal, Adam” He pointed back at me.

“Until next time, Kazuhira.”

“Looking forward to it.”

 

\--------------------------

**Xmas Eve, 24th December 1979, London.**

 

I arrived at the small apartment I have been renting for the past months. Technically I rented it for myself, but I got a large bed and enough room for my partner to move in with me too.

First he began staying one or two days a week, now he practically lived with me, and it was fine. We never made it official so he saved me the trouble of having to ask him to move in with me, and I saved him the trouble of asking me to let him stay.

If I had to think it logically, living together allowed me to have control over him and making sure he followed the plan. Just for Big Boss’s sake, I told myself.

 

Of course, falling in love with him had not been not part of the plan.

 

I went to the kitchen and placed a box on the table in front of my partner.

“What’s this?” Kaz looked up at me and then at the Christmas-themed gift wrapped box. He had been going through reports for his Diamond Dogs all day and they were scrambled all over the kitchen table.

“I brought you a present.” I said while brushing off the snow of my coat before taking it off.

“You don’t need to buy me things to take me to bed, Ocelot. We are way past that.”

“Right. I have you for free every night.”

He gave me a playful smile “Isn’t christmas supposed to be tomorrow?”

“Just shut up and open it before I regret it.”

He took the box and teared the wrapping paper, revealing a black case. He looked at me amazed and I nodded, smirking.  
“Wow, no way. These are the J.F. Rey glasses I wanted.” He tried them on and posed like a model  “How do I look?”

“Like an asshole. Merry Christmas, Kaz.” You look gorgeous, was what I meant to say and he knew it.

He stood up and kissed me. I put my hands on his waist and lifted him to the table, kissing him deeper.

“W-wait, the reports, we are gonna make a mess.”

I buried my face on his warm neck, slightly moving his red scarf away to reveal some skin and kissed it, mumbling a defeated “fine” before releasing him.

 

He sat on the table looking down, almost embarrassed and readjusted his scarf.  
“I don’t have anything to give you.”

“You don’t have to. I just wanted to give you a present. You know what you can give me tonight, though.” I teased him pulling him closer to me.

He put his arms around my neck and looked at his own clothes. I could tell that he was deciding what to do, he always frowned his eyebrows when he did that. He smiled and removed his red scarf.

“Here, take this.”

“Your scarf?”  He put it on my neck and I could still feel his warmth and perfume.  
  
“Merry Christmas, Adam.”

 

\----------------

 

Sometime later, I was on the rooftop watching the snow fall slowly over me. I was leaning on the balcony, smoking. I didn’t usually smoke but once a year I lit a cigar on Christmas Eve, for his sake. Every Christmas I spent with John, I gave him a cigar as present. The best soldier in the world not only loved Christmas,but also believed in Santa Claus, very cute.

It was no use for me to be at the hospital, he wouldn’t wake up. Not even a Christmas miracle would make him wake up from his coma….

 

Still, tonight was different. To be honest, since I met Kaz, he was stepping in front of my sad memories, taking me into a rollercoaster ride of hate and love at the same time. I could picture memories of us together, of us arguing over silly things, fighting with each other to win the upperhand, of me hating and loving him… Then I pictured one special memory of him telling me that he loved me, last Christmas on this very same spot, feeling the snow falling over our heads while we shared a bottle of vodka.

Tonight there was no alcohol, I didn’t want him to get drunk. I longed to hear him saying those words again, I knew we both were so alone without John that we needed love, and that’s how the thing we had started.

Was he pretending I was Big Boss the first time we had sex? Probably he did. Did I picture John the first time I kissed Kazuhira Miller? I wanted to, but he was- he is so different from John, and so alike at the same time that it is thrilling.

I honestly never expected to really love him. And I never expected to be so eager to hear him saying those words again, but I wanted him to really mean them.

 

“Hey- I felt his arms wrapping at my chest from behind and his cold nose pressed against the bare back of my neck.- Why aren’t you wearing my present?”

I puffed smoke and smiled, pleased that he could not see my ‘trying to look mad’ expression “Because you are wearing it.”

“Oh shit! Shit! Sorry! I forgot it’s yours now.” He clumsily tried to take it off. I turned around to face him and grabbed his wrists, the cigar still balancing on my lips while I tried to speak without dropping it.

“Stop Kaz. Leave it on. You’ll catch a cold.”

“What about you?”

“I’m Russian. I’m used to this weather. You Japanese are too weak.”  
I released his wrists and took the cigar from my mouth. He blushed and put one end of the scarf on my neck, wrapping it. “There.”

I put the cigar away and I kissed him, feeling his cold nose and his warm lips.

“Oce- A-Adam. You know that I-” he started but stopped.

“Hm?”

“Wait, where’s the vodka?” He looked around, trying to find the bottle with no luck.

“I didn’t bring it. -he looked at me surprised, and a little angry- You will end up being a sad drunk and I’d have to drag your melancholic ass to bed.”

“So you remember what happened last Christmas….” Kaz blushed.

“I remember.” I replied watching his expression with curiosity.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“About what?” I played it like I didn’t quite remember.

“When I told you that I loved you, you didn’t say anything. That’s why I ended up crying. I know, I’m pathetic. There’s no way you’d…”

 

“I love you.”

 

“… What?”

“I love you, Kaz.”

He looked at the floor, breathing heavily. “You are an idiot, Ocelot.”

“Say it.” Come on Kaz, I want to hear you say it too.

“I love you.”

We kissed until the snow began to feel uncomfortable.

“Let’s go inside” I suggested, holding him by his waist and guiding him indoors.

 

\---

 

We sat lazily on the couch, watching the Christmas special. His head was resting on my chest while I was stroking his blond hair, removing tiny snow drops from earlier.

I was staring at the screen without actually paying attention.

Then it struck me.  
“Wait a minute Miller. Were you pretending to be drunk last year?”

He buried his face on my chest, ashamed. “It was the only way I could say it to you.”

“I see… That way you could excuse yourself that you were drunk.”

“That was the plan, in case you rejected me.”

“You are so childish sometimes. -I touched my brow with my hand and closed my eyes- Don’t you know that drunk people usually tell the truth?”

“... well.... I suppose you got me there… - he raised his head and looked at me -Then tell me why were you smoking?” 

“Long story” I really didn’t want to remember it, but I was now the center of his attention and it’s not like I could escape his questioning, so I continued. “Okay, I spent some Christmas with John, and I gave him a cigar as a present every time.”

Kaz’s expression changed from playful to sad. “That’s typical of him. He liked Christmas and was the first one to suggest we had a Christmas party back at MSF, but then he didn’t want any of us to give him a present.”

I chuckled. We were used to talk about John and share stories. I had to admit that at first it was like a contest to prove who knew him better, who got to spend more time with him, who kissed him… It was 50/50, but he was the absolute winner because not only he got into John’s bed, but also into his heart as well. He continued speaking, as if he had some kind of burden he wanted to let go.

“I don’t believe in Christmas, I think that’s what growing up in Japan did to me. But there were only 3 times I gave someone a present. One time was to a friend I made when I was a kid back in Japan, he was with the U.S. Army, the second time was to Snake, and the third time was to you.” I felt him rubbing against my body like a cat.

His words triggered one of my childhood memories I had thought I lost.

“When I was a kid my superiors always said Christmas was a good morale boost, so I got used to celebrating it. Now that you mentioned Christmas and Japan, I can recall one time that I went there with the U.S military. I was just a boy, but I wanted to prove them that I was the best soldier they’d ever had. Back then I met a boy who sold cigarettes at a shop. He refused to sell them to me and called me a-”

“ _Bakayarou_ ” he interrupted me.

I shifted my position in the couch so I could look at his face. “What did you say?”

“I can’t believe it. It all makes sense now - Kaz grabbed my cheeks with his two hands as if I was a little boy- who else would have stepped into my shop like an insolent bastard daring to ask for cigarettes? Who else could have been such a cocky brat?” Now he was teasing.

“Look who’s talking about being cocky - In one movement I pushed his back to the couch and climbed on top of him - if my memory doesn’t fail me, you scared the shit away from me with a knife.”

“It was not a knife. Anyway you dared to point at me with your stupid gun!” He struggled and wiggled to break free of my grip.

“The world is a small place, Kaz.”

“Yeah, you were lucky to have met me Ocelot.” There he went again, playing it cool. He knew exactly how to turn me on, so I had no choice but deciding to wipe the smug grin off his face tonight.

I pressed my thigh to his groin, making him moan and whispered “What goes around comes around, huh?”

 

That time in Japan when I said goodbye to Kaz, I got on the plane feeling my face going wet. My tears were flowing without me noticing it. I wanted to get off and hug him one more time, stay with him forever. Little did I know that 23 years later I’d be making love to him.  
  
Was this what they called coincidence? I don’t think so.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Notes on japanese words
> 
> Bakayarou: 馬鹿野郎 idiot  
> Irasshaimase: いらっしゃいませ welcome! (When you enter a shop)  
> Ijimerareta: いじめられた I was bullied  
> Ijime: いじめ bullying  
> Anta wa dare: あんたは誰？who are you?  
> Namenjaneezo!: なめんじゃねーぞ！  
> don’t fuck with me!/ don’t fucking underestimate me!  
> Sou da! そうだ！ that’s it!  
> Soldier-chan: Kaz uses -chan as if saying 'little soldier'


End file.
